Sometimes you just have to laugh at things
Especially when things are small as mole hills!!!
The things don't matter
but God is bigger than anything
He will get you through
He is one that you should be focused on
He will carry you
Love you
and listen to you
because he loves you soo much
he won't let go,
but are willing to hold on
to him and laugh at things
that don't matter!

When it Rains

It pours....
Life throws curve balls all the time
Especially when life is starting to become Stable
God has different plans
He can throw many challenges at you
Sometimes they may come all at once
but with Him you can do anything
He is testing you
to see how strong is your faith
HE WILL GET YOU THROUGH!!!
Just lean and trust him
for peace and understanding
So stand up in the pouring rain
and press on and follow Him

Quotes

I have some quotes that I have found that speaks to me in different ways...

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. ~Søren Kierkegaard
We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties. ~Oswald Chambers
Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God. ~Author Unknown The People's Almanac-->
When you pray, rather let your heart be without words than your words without heart. ~John Bunyan
God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us. ~Author Unknown
There are times when silence has the loudest voice. ~Leroy Brownlow
We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence.... We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~Mother Teresa
People see God every day, they just don't recognize him. ~Pearl Bailey
Let God's promises shine on your problems. ~Corrie Ten Boom
I would rather walk with God in the dark than go alone in the light. ~Mary Gardiner Brainard

Underestimation

You thought you could keep me down
but look I am standing
with more strength to move on

Easy

It was easy falling,
now I got to get the strength
to Stand up again

3:15 am

Yup this is what happens when your mind is not shutting down from the things that are on your mind. It really has been awhile since I have written on this blog. So I am hoping that it will help clear my mind.
So I went to Taylor's First Baptist with the RAs. The college/singles leader spoke tonight at the evening service. We talked about who gets the glory, what is the idol, and what legacy you will leave behind. This is all from Judges 8:22-35. It talks about how Gideon wanting to give glory to God, but he ended up giving the glory to himself. He had an idol that kept him from the path of God. Then we discussed of what type of legacy Gideon left behind.
This really got me thinking. What legacy do I want to leave behind. I want to do what God wants me to do. He has finally given me peace of what degree I should go in and I feel stupid that it took me this long to figure it out. I love kids and love psychology. I am going to change my major to inter dis psychology/education. This way I can have it either way. I want this so bad and I do not have a clue what I am going to do with this major, but whatever I do I want to give glory to God. There are so many options with it. I want to give glory to HIM and show a legacy for what I do. Honestly answer this question to yourself, what kind of legacy do you want to leave
behind? :)
OK now I am able to get a nap in before I have to be up early in the morning :)

Life is Short

Why does it take death to realize that life is short? We have to experience such pain and heartache. It hurts especially when you know the person/people that died. Taking the lives hurt the most because we never had the time to say goodbye. Goodbye, make wrongs to right, ask forgiveness or give the forgiving. That pain may or may not be healed. So don't forget to love, forgive, and enjoy one another. Because you will never know when the last time you will see the person. Life is way to short, so say what you need to say, and love one another.

Freedom is Beautiful

She went to the one place that she could be free. The small creek in the woods. She always went there as a kid to be who she wanted to be. As she got older she used it as a get away and to be free. Free from the pressures of the world, having to growing up, and just get away from the family.
Well today she went to the place that makes her free because of you. You broke her heart in pieces. She went there to cry and try to let her heart heal from the brokeness she feels. As the tears fall and watch the tears hit the water. She watched the ripples and realized that as the ripples fade away, the pain will too. She was finally free from the fact that she was hurt. She will know the pain for awhile, but she knows it will fade...She also knows that you will fade too.

I don't know you

I don't know who you are
but I know what you did

because I had to pick up the pieces
of the heart that you broke

I can't fix the broken pieces
because there is nothing i can do

No words, no advice,
no hugs, no comfort works

I have never seen so much pain,
tears, tissues, and brokeness

I don't know you
but I know what you did

Here I am at this point of my life

ok the last blog was about the look....yes it broke my heart all over again...but surprising the pain did not take long to get over.... I am glad of this.

People ya want to know something....
I AM NOT HANDICAPPED :)

I am just different....made in God's image and I have made it this far in God's plan in my life.. I was upset that I was seen for my "handicap." God used it to show me how far I have come and to trust that He is going to use my difference to make a difference in the world. My mindset was I knew that I had this disability by what I had to experiences that I faced. I knew that God had a plan in it. But that mindset was I have a handicap, but that mindset has changed. I am normal(whatever that may be), but just different. Yes I may walk differently, clumsy most of the time, one arm ability most of the time, but that makes me special and different. God has given me this life to live and I am going to live the best I can be with his help of course.
Here is a challenge.....Accept the differences of others, you may never know how it will change your life. and in turn will make you different also.

So here I am in this point of life...taking 21 years to realize this, but I AM DIFFERENT...and that mindset will not be changed. My heart is healed from this pain forever, but does not mean it won't hurt when judgemental looks come, laughs, or stares are given. It just means that I know that the hurt won't turn into pain...

Wow whoever reads this, I am sorry it is a book, but you made it through..

Thanks Christina...for the book...she is a great inspiration.

The End

Alright junior year has come and gone. Where did it go? No clue...Enjoyed the ride and having no regrets. Now it is time to say goodbye to the class of 09. I probably will cry at the graduation. I am going to miss them very much. I am excited that they are going to start their lives what they have studied for soo long....
3.0 for the semester....yay me! I am totally excited...This gives me hope that I will make it through the next year and a half in the psychology program... Still praying hard and keepin the faith...

Summer plans are not set in stone, but random trip to columbia for a weekend sounds pretty nice, when school and work will get in the way of fun. or just somewhere random would be nice.. just a weekend away from it all....yay!!!!!!!!!

That is all for now.. Peace

Idiot

I am an Idiot....enough said!!!!!!

Past relived again

Yesterday I received a look that I have not received in years. I received here at NGU. I would have never thought I would have seen this look ever again. Again I was looked at my outer apperance than my smile/heart. Honestly I was cut deep and hurt. I thought I would never I have to feel those feelings again. When I thought my heart was healed, which it was, but it was reopened by that look.
To that person(s)-It is not my fault that I have cerebral palsy. It is not my fault that my balance is off and I trip over my feet all the time. It is not my fault and it is the cause of sin. I hope that you get convicted of this. Actually I am glad that I have cerebral palsy because that I know who I am and what a blessing it is. Yes it took a little bit of pushing and encouragement to get where I am today. I still need that encouragement, so give me a smile and not the look that I am disgusting or I look stupid. Honestly I think you actually looked stupid giving the look. I am just normal as you. So don't judge a book by the cover. Yet the pain is still there I am not going to let it get me down. Now I have said this you have my forgiveness.

To those that have been there for me with encouragement THANK YOU!!!! :-)

The Look

You looked at me
differently today

I have never seen
this look before

It cut like glass
It cut real deep

I feel the pain
I am broken

Tears fall
as the look continues

but yet
I can't look away

Never be the same

I am in the distance
watching you

Your weakness
has broken through

As a tear rolls down
your cheek

You have brought the distance
and things will never the same

Thoughts

Thoughts are evil
They keep you in a bind
You want to run
but they follow
Oh God stop this
take this evil away

I need a getaway car!!! Seriously I can't take this anymore. I am completely shattered and God is the only to see it. I am glad that I can play a role that I am such a happy person... I want someone to notice, but what is the point, when no one takes time to listen. Oh well!!! I am glad that I have God to listen to me. I don't know if I should tell someone that I am not ok. I am just shattered. My heart is just bleeding and broken. The sad thing it is all not for me. Healing and understanding is something I am waiting on

Goodness what a day hehe!!! Seeing friends is soo much fun and just chillin is amazing....I am running circles in my head though about what is going on. I am not sure what to make of it all. I am bit worried about it all, but it will be ok. God is under control. He will take care of it all. That does not stop my human nature to think about it. Oh well!! I am not going to let it stop me from having fun and hopefully I can hide it well. If not, oh well!!! No reason to verbalize it, no one stops to listen anyway. oh goodness i better get going and write this stupid paper that I have to turn in tomorrow. Peace

You are not here
You just left

No words
Just silence

Yet I can still
feel your heart beat

You know why
because our hearts has the same rhythm

Friendship

My Friendships have been on my mind. Not to scare anyone I am not doubting any of my friendships. I am very happy to have my friends in my life. I am just looking at what my friends have brought and mean to my life. They have brought so much meaning to it, I am not the same person because of them. Honestly I do not know what they see in me. I am this crazy kid with crazy ways, but they love me. The reason I am friends with each of them is the fact of their hearts. I see behind the superifical stuff and go straight for the heart. I see some amazing beautiful people. If yall ever wanted to know why, that is my reasoning. If any of yall read this, i am glad and not oh well!!! Friendships are meaning to life and more than words can describe.