My thoughts won't stop

My mind won't stop....My thoughts are scaring me... I don't know why....
My mind is racing and I am getting more scared as they race..
They are bringing up the past
They are bring up the old memories
The hurt, the pain, the anger
Why does the Devil have a hold on my thoughts
God beat Him to the ground
I don't want to have these thoughts
Oh God Please

Along time...no write

It has been awhile since I have written on this thing....I can't believe that I have not done this..It usually makes me feel better.
It has been kinda a long semester....
To sum it all up in a couple sentences....Seizure, doctor visits, loss of two friends, school and stuff that is happening at home. ok I summed it up in one sentence.

My heart is really torn again
I feel like I am being ripped in two
Maybe more than two
I am supposed to be here at NGU
yet my heart aches to be home
I am trusting in the Lord
yet my human nature gets in the way
My heart is healing from the deaths
Physically I am still healing
Yet I still have a smile on my face
when I am crying inside
I am hurting and I hide it well
Trusting in the Lord for healing
That I can find peace and understanding
That is all I need...


Oh yeah my heart has been pasted on blog spot...No one actually reads this...I do not think...If they do I pray they see things through my eyes...I am tired of trying to share my emotions with the world when they do not care... I am me people, get used to it and start caring for others not just me.. An ear goes a long way..

Learning is what I do best...

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My God is amazing.......I am learning that everyday...
He has been my rock and my strength when I have needed it...
He has time to listen to me when no one else does...and he is the most amazing listener ever..
He has given me words to say, when advice is needed to be given..
He has strengthed my faith and my wisdom....
He has my whole heart when I don't even know he had it...
He is teaching patience and having a loving heart when I don't want to..
I am starting to realize if I am commiting a sin...
He is teaching me who is a true friend and who isnt
He is preaparing my heart for the one who is going to be my husband...
He is showing one piece of the puzzle at a time... which I am thankful
God gives miracles at times that are needed....
Thank you God and continue to teach me and let me grow to be like you!!!!!!!

Reflecting...

September 11, 2008
Here I am pressing forward
To where God is leading….

He has gotten a hold of my heart
And changed my direction…

It feels like a 180 degree turn
I am seeing things in different light…

I am seeing beauty in situations
That I would have never before….

Yet I look over my shoulder
And I smile….

I see what God has done
For me….

I also see the pain and good times
I have no regrets…..

Looking back lasts for a short time
Because I am looking forward….

I am looking for what is ahead
I want to continue the journey….

I want to be a light
For Him…

I want to be his fingerprints
On this world for Him….

I want to give him the glory
And the praise that he deserves….

So look out people
Here I come….

last 30 days

about 4 weeks ago my life changed...My granddad had a triple bypass... I am so glad that he is still here with me. God is not ready for him to come home... He is still needed here. I am excited to see what he has in store for him and God is going to use him...
about 3 weeks ago I came back to my lovely school NGU! What a move! I am so at home there. I am a Ra, and what God is teaching is amazing! I love the community and family.. Thanks to them I feel so more at home.
about 2 weeks ago... Training/Freshman Orientation... I love my freshman girls on the hall. They are amazing friends and I had nothing to do with it. I give it to God... Before orientation, we had Training...this made the RAs mingle and become the family that we are. It is going to be an amazing semester...
Last week... Returning students move in and school starts.... I had to help check in the returning students... I gave out keys and worked with one of the new besties.. Shannon.. What fun!!! Yay my remaining friends moved in.. It was so amazing to see them and really excited about getting to know more about them as the semester goes along... School started and it is going to be a tough semester, but will be amazing...
Past week... Just school and RA stuff

u add the title..

Home is where the heart is..
Home has been amazing these last couple of days.. Finally finished unpacking and starting to work... I have a new job and will continue to work at Wendys... The new job is a change which is a start.. I am expecting so much change.. i am being impatient about it.. I guess I need to slow down and let God change me when the change is needed.. I am needing change... what is there else to say.. Change Change...

Ready to Go

Only 18 days left.... until the semester ends.. What a glorious day that will be. I can be home and be there for my family. To me sometimes prayers are just not enough. I need to be home with them. I am not dissing prayers or anything bc God has everything under control. Which I love or I would be going crazy. It is hard to be here and school where my heart is back home. One day, my heart will stay with me and not be torn in 2 places. God has taught me alot by trusting him in everything. All it takes is a lil faith as small as a mustard seed. So even tho I am ready to go, I have/will take this semester as a great learning experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!